Posted by Duff

Ladies, I’m screwed. And I have only myself to blame.

What mother hasn’t said to her misbehaving child, “I hope you have a child just like you someday!” ? If this is an attempted curse, it’s unnecessary, because sure as death and taxes, what goes around comes around.

I know it does, because the Dervish recently tapped me on the shoulder with one of my earliest childhood memories:

I was three, maybe four. Old enough to understand answering the phone, young enough to be literal about the concept that lying was wrong. The phone rang. My mother was ‘indisposed’, and after some consideration (I vividly remember hemming and hawwing), I answered it.

It was Joe DeClean (the drycleaner, an older man who made deliveries and often stayed to chit-chat). He asked for my mother, and boy, was I in a pickle. I couldn’t lie. But I hadn’t yet grasped the handling of delicate topics,  and so I said,

She’s going poopies right now.”

This is the last memory I have of answering the phone until I was about seven. And I don’t think that’s just a coincidence.

My karmic debt must be coming due, because the Dervish has recently achieved parrot status. Nothing goes unheard, and nearly everything is repeated. She is paying such close attention that her head is cocked.

Recent commentary from her includes: Awesome. Fart. Ewwww….Gross! Domenic fall. Cameron crying.  Fabulous. She now makes judgments, is a snitch, and has a bank of memories. I’m not going to tell you what she said to me – hands on hips, mind you – the last time she joined me in the bathroom, but it wasn’t favorable.

The air is heavy with karmic rumblings, and the sky will fall. It’s only a matter of time.

 

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