Posted by Fitz

I’ll never forget the day that my friend looked me in the eye and asked, “Why do people keep asking me if I’m having so much fun with the baby?  Can someone please tell me what is fun about this?!”

In the daily grind of life with The Bean, I find myself thinking a lot about that question.  While I love her with all of my heart and absolutely have had many a fun moment, some days just don’t fit that description.  Actually, “fun” wouldn’t be the word I’d pick to describe most of my days – they are built mostly around the same routine, with mostly predictable ebbs and flows in delight and crankiness.  On both of our parts.

I know for sure that the experience I’m having now definitely wouldn’t have qualified as “fun” pre-Bean.   Back then, it was about trying a great restaurant, going to a bar until the wee hours of the morning, or jetting off on a last-minute vacation.  It certainly didn’t include getting up at 6:30 a.m. every single day to begin the same routine as the day before, and I definitely didn’t think I’d know all of the verses to The Wheels on the Bus.  Sometimes, I feel like I should have thought a little bit more about what my day-to-day routine would look like with a baby, instead of idealizing days filled only with kisses, long naps, and coos. 

Then, as soon as I start to contemplate going back to work full-time as a form of escape, I remember that that wasn’t much fun, either.  While the money would be a nice boost, and while it would be really nice to have a (much) wider circle of adults to talk to during the day, I’d miss the little moments with The Bean that I’ve come to rely on – you know, the way she blows a giant raspberry as soon as I feed her a giant spoonful of oatmeal, then giggles with delight; or how I know exactly when it’s time for a nap just by watching her rub her little eyes.  At the very least, I know more about what The Bean wants from me than I did with some of my previous bosses!

So, all in all, I guess my expectations of “fun” are what have to change – not my current situation.  It has taken me a lot to admit that I didn’t really love the career that I built over the past decade, and to be brave enough to find enjoyment in staying home with The Bean to watch her grow.  It has been a leap of faith, but it has been fun to get to know the little girl who now rules my proverbial roost.  Just not in the way I expected.

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