Posted by Fitz

I think I am an excellent mother.

I think I am an even better wife.

I think I am crap at playing both of those roles at the same time.

I try really hard to balance the relationships in our nuclear family.  Making sure that I get enough alone time is not usually a problem, but helping my husband to get that same quality time is more difficult once he gets home after a long day and a challenging commute.  It’s easy for my husband and I to spend alone time together, but it’s usually on the couch watching tv after The Bean has gone to bed…both of us too pooped to pop, as my dad says.  Arranging a date, babysitter, restaurant reservation, appropriate clothing, and relaxed mindset have happened occasionally, but the logistics are so daunting that the frequency is lacking.  Weekends are our family time, but even they prove to be hectic with errands, chores, and all of the (loving) visitors that want to see The Bean.

We’re exhausted.  I’m having a hard time seeing the light at the end of this tunnel we’re in right now, where “balance” seems to mean cramming as much as we can into a day.  Sometimes, I feel like it’s too much to keep all of these balls in the air, to be a woman, a wife, and a mother.  I feel like I am doing an okay job at everything, but I’m not meeting my expectations when you look at the big picture. 

I feel like we’re all just plugging along, doing our best, and trying to come to some sort of acceptance that this is our lives now.  I wouldn’t trade The Bean for all of the tea in China, but I would trade some of the lifestyle changes that she brought with her.  Since it’s a package deal, though, things are what they are.  It is what it is.  Even thinking that makes me tired.

There is good news on the horizon, though, or so Duff would have me believe.  She claims that she went through this phase, and that’s all it is – even better, she can hardly remember it now!  This is the light at the end of the tunnel, just knowing that more changes, more phases, are in line for our family.  The hats I wear will continue to change, and I’ll continue to balance them as best as I can, hoping that no one can see my shortcomings as clearly as I can.