Oh, pre-pregnancy body, how I miss thee.  I did not appreciate you when I had you….always torturing you with low-carb this and high protein that, spending entire weekends drinking the best red wine the local restaurant had to offer, and dragging you to the gym when you really needed to sleep past 9:00 a.m.  I miss you, pre-pregnancy body, and I wish I could go back and treat you how you deserved to always be treated.

If I had to do it all over again, I would look at how teeny your waist was instead of berating you for not quite fitting into the size six jeans that were clearly meant for a pre-pubescent praying mantis.  I would compliment your strong chin, relishing the fact that there was only one.  I would look at your skin…unlined, unshadowed, well-moisturized…and appreciate how good we had it.

Unfortunately, pre-pregnancy body, I threw you away like yesterday’s trash.  I know it was for the best reason in the world, and I’d do it again in a heartbeat, but that doesn’t mean I yearn for the days when a muffin top was actually on a muffin and the Weight Watchers leader didn’t recognize me from my frequent meeting attendance.  If only I knew how to revel in your glory, and feel good about all of the gifts we shared instead of always thinking we weren’t good enough.  If only we were confident enough to never have been self-conscious in a bikini or to have declared ourselves unfit for the tube top.  We had it made, pre-pregnancy body, and we didn’t take advantage of it.  I’m sorry.

To make up for the cruel and careless way I’ve treated you, I promise to make things different for my Bean.  I promise to do everything in my power to raise her with a confident, accepting, grateful attitude towards her body.  I will stop making self-deprecating jokes about my own shape (well, after this post anyway), and will teach her to treat her body with respect.  I don’t want her to grow up feeling uncomfortable about her body, like I did.  She’ll have her own demons to face and will have to learn with experience much like her mother has, but I’ll teach her to love herself, her health, and her strength.  I will teach her she is gorgeous regardless of weight or shape, and will try to shield her from the image that society teaches women to covet.  I will love her, as you loved me despite my ignorance, and help her to appreciate herself.  It’s the least I can do.  Thank you.

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