Posted by Fitz

Lately, I’ve noticed that my working days all start and end the same.  It doesn’t matter where I’m going or what kind of job I’m doing that day, who I’m going to see, or what nifty suit I have on.  Each day is strikingly similar.

I wake up, scramble to get ready as fast as I can, and head out the door – usually well before The Bean is awake.  I actually try to leave before she’s awake, before I can be pulled in to cute hugs, conversations about what she should wear that day, or a toddler who prefers to throw, rather than eat, breakfast.  I’m in a race with myself to get out of that house before I morph from my career self into Mommy, and the adrenaline doesn’t stop rushing until I’m at my destination with a big cup of coffee.

During the day, I don’t think about The Bean very much.  I feel like that isn’t a cool thing to admit, but it’s easier for me to focus on the work rather than wondering if she’s having a good day at daycare.  I push through the day, accomplishing things and relishing – yes, that’s relishing – even the most insubstantial conversations with my coworkers.  I feel alive on work days, even when I don’t like what I’m doing.  It’s a reminder that I am smart and valued for something other than my made up songs (which, in fact, are fabulous). 

Then, around 3:30, my mind starts to twitch.  Thoughts about things like laundry, doctor’s appointments, and dinner start to creep into my mind, helping me to completely lose focus on whatever I’m doing.  I’m antsy until I can scoot out the door, and am pretty much worthless to my colleagues.

When I’m finally on my way home, regardless of my mode of transportation, I am in an immense rush to BE HOME.  I don’t want to be on the Metro North train that is slowly chugging its way through every single stop on the New Haven line…not on the Amtrak that is delayed in Providence yet again…and certainly not stuck in traffic on I-95.  I just want to be in my house to give the Bean a big hug and play with her before she has to go to bed.

When I’m working, I always feel like I’m in some sort of race.  To get there, to finish work, to get home again…the past month since I’ve started has been a total blur.  What I’m realizing, though, is that I only feel like I’ve won the race when I’m home again.  My family is the greatest prize I will ever have, and I’m so grateful for them.