Posted by Duff

I may have mentioned this before, but the last few months, during which time I have had the pleasure of watching The Dervish effervesce, I have thought of the following scene from Jerry Maguire more than a handful of times.

Only, The Dervish doesn’t laugh in response. But she’s not Rod Tidwell, either. She doesn’t dig that I’m hanging on by a very thin thread. Though I guess you could say that she’s trucculent with the media.

Do you think I’ve seen this movie enough times?

Anyway, in the last few weeks, I’ve learned a few things about my lovely and how she rolls, thus influencing how I roll:

1. She can sleep over her grandparents, sick all night, and not shed a tear. However, if she is home with me and, otherwise fine, gets a snot on her shirt (from wiping her own nose with her sleeve), the governor should declare a state of emergency. It’s only fair.

2. While she is screaming about that booger, that’s the time to get in there with the toothbrush. Phew. Well, that’s one good tooth brushing in this lifetime.

3. It’s really not worth trying to change her out of her pajamas, snowboots and firehat once she has declared herself dressed. Just drop her off at daycare, smiling.

4. Pillowcases must be pink, not purple. I mean, duh, can’t I see the room decor? Didn’t I paint the room? (Extra pink pillowcases are now on my shopping list).

5. Socks that won’t align properly on a foot are to be pulled off and bitten until wet. No, she doesn’t need help. If she did, she would ask. Back the truck UP.

6. You can’t hide chocolate from a Dervish.

7. When you have sufficiently frustrated your mother so she needs to walk away and deal with herself, that’s the time to whimper “I w-want my Daddy.”

8. Dervish logic: Why cry when you can scream?

9. Imagination is a beautiful and magical thing for a mother to watch. To envision and describe where no matter exists is just about as precious a thing as a child can do.

10. Until fantasy conjures The Boogeyman. Stay tuned.