Posted by Fitz

I tried yesterday, I really did.

The Bean has another ear infection, but is starting to feel a bit better.  She has been cooped up in the house for days, and I wanted her to get a little fresh air.  This desire coupled with the need to get my husband a birthday gift led us to Main Street in Westport, CT.

For those of you who have never been to Westport, it’s gorgeous.  It’s a wealthy town, and the shopping area houses high end stores and people.  It’s not a place where most feel comfortable walking around like they are in the “Before” secret footage that Stacey and Clinton show on What Not to Wear, although the models tend to fare well in their Pink sweats and such.  Anyway, I digress.  To make a long story short, let’s just say that I tried to pull it together today – fun, colorful coat; ballet flats with sparkle; a little lip gloss; and credit cards just itching to be used.  I walked out of the house feeling pretty good about myself, and set out to find my husband some fancy pants presents.

Fast forward to the register at one of the most popular denim boutiques in town.  I’m paying for the overpriced jeans, the brand of which will probably go unappreciated by my low-maintenance guy, and the cashier (let’s call her The Hottest Girl I’ve Ever Seen) says, “Ma’am, you have a little something on your cheek.”

I reached up with trepidation to see what was on my cheek, imagining it was a wet crumb of Goldfish from Beanie’s hands since I had just picked her up to put her back in her stroller.  It wasn’t crunchy, though, it was…slimy.  It wasn’t a Goldfish.  It was The Bean’s giant booger.

Mind racing, I frantically tried to think of what else it could possibly be to redeem myself in the eyes of The Hottest Girl I’ve Ever Seen.  Hair gel?  No, too Something About Mary.  Lotion?  No, too green.  I glanced down at my daughter, sitting peacefully in her stroller, and she gave me my answer with her eyes: “Don’t even try, Mom…can’t you see that I have the same exact stuff running like a faucet out of my nose right now?”

The HGIES stifled a laugh and I made some noise that was supposed to sound light and carefree but came out like a snort as I scrambled to get out of there as fast as possible to try and reclaim my dignity.

Snot on my face in public, that’s a new one.  No colorful coat or sparkly shoes can make it better, it is just another example of how my Bean has changed my life in ways I never could have imagined.   I’ll take it, but I’m teaching her to bring tissues the next time we go shopping.

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