Posted by Fitz

Who saw Oprah on Monday?  If you haven’t seen it, I encourage you to do so: it’s all about what motherhood is “really” like.  Guests featured the authors of I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids (great book), and their latest I’d Trade My Husband for a Housekeeper (can’t wait to read it – expect a book review soon).   Actress Cheryl Hines was on, and many moms joined via Skype.  Anyway, it was great.  Watch it.

The whole point of the show was that women don’t really share how they feel about motherhood, and go around like everything is sunshine and lollipops.  I think that is starting to change – at least with your good friends – but you wouldn’t tell strangers how you actually feel, right?  Through the relative anonymity of this blog, though, I’m going to let you in on one of my secrets. 

Who am I kidding?  Everyone who reads this knows me!  Oh well, here goes:

I FEEL LIKE I AM FORREST GUMP.  I am always running – to work, to daycare, to Stop and Shop, to the train, to the washing machine, to the Swiffer, to the workout DVDs that are sorely neglected, to the computer, to give my husband a lackluster hug and kiss, even….to date night.  Yes, people, even date night is a rushed activity that I check off the list so I can go to sleep and wake up and do it all over again.   The only thing that I don’t run to is the treadmill, and that would probably alleviate a lot of this stress!

Life with kids – to me – resembles a hamster wheel.  It’s hard to relax, because there is always something else to do.  There is always more I think that I should be doing to achieve my personal expectations of how I should be as a mom, wife, and woman.  Interesting that woman comes last, right?  Anyway, as I was saying…there is always something else.  Just this weekend I said to my husband, “I feel like all I ever do is make food and clean it up again, with a random load of laundry thrown in here and there.”  It’s sad, but it’s true – in leading this incredibly full life that I chose for myself – and feel incredibly grateful for – I don’t have any time to enjoy it because there are too many balls up in the air.  When is one going to drop?

Two important people in my life – my friend Ang and my new doctor, who I LOVE – have both said things lately that have made me reconsider this wheel that I have put myself on.  Ang said (in summary) that life on the hamster wheel can throw people into a rut that is hard to get out of – and she’s right.  I need to switch things up a little so our family can start to have more fun. 

At my recent physical, I told my doctor that I am stressed, most of the time.  It was starting to wake me up at night, and interfere with my ability to be happy.  She looked at me with an intense stare, and asked me the normal questions to determine if I was depressed.  After I answered her, she made my greatest dream a reality: she said, “You don’t need a therapist, you need a cleaning lady!”  It’s time to figure out where my husband and I can lighten our loads, so we can get back to the business of enjoying each other, and enjoying our family. 

It’s time for Forrest to hang up her running shoes.  I want to love my life with my family, and savor every moment.  It’s just time.

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