Posted by Fitz

My friend Chris, his gorgeous wife Karen, and I had an enlightening conversation about parenthood the other night, focused mainly on all of the things we didn’t know would be involved in raising a child (or 3 under 3, in their case).  We just scratched the surface of our ignorance, but I thought you all might enjoy our musings….and be inspired to share your own “I didn’t knows” with us.   Enjoy!

  • I didn’t know how much duct tape would be necessary to be a good parent.
  • I didn’t know that Goldfish could solve almost every parenting challenge.
  • I didn’t know how many Goldfish would lose their lives in the car seat. And on the van floor. And ground into the carpet. 
  • I didn’t know that my car would become a large, dirty toy bin. The fact that it takes us places is a sheer bonus.
  • I didn’t know that with three kids, our primary residence would be the pediatrician’s office.
  • I didn’t know that the pediatrician would become like a member of the family.
  • I didn’t know that I would have to explain to a 2-year-old that sometimes fish go on vacation, and that’s why they keep disappearing from the pediatician’s aquarium.
  • I didn’t know that I’d be pushing a stroller so big along Main Street that people would stop and shake my hand.
  • I didn’t know that I would never get to use the bathroom alone again. I really thought I could prevent that. Dummy.
  • I didn’t know that I’d seriously contemplate whether or not I could contort myself on to the frog-shaped potty if an emergency demanded it.
  • I didn’t know that I’d use laundry as an excuse to be alone for five minutes.
  • I didn’t know that a fairly tense meeting at work could be imade irrelevant by an IM from my wife that read “After I put his diaper on, your son just said, ‘Bye, penis!'”
  • I didn’t know that the thought of naptime would make me cry with relief.
  • I didn’t know that three children could drive me completely batty, but when I watch them sleep, that all the stress of the day completely disappears.
  • I didn’t know I’d be mad at the moon for not being there when my kid wanted it to be there. F’ing moon. Stupid non-planet.
  • I didn’t know that after a two-year-old had one armpit tickled, he would raise the other arm so I could even him out.
  • I didn’t know that a teeny little girl could have such a huge personality. “MINE!!!”
  • I didn’t know that I would have no need for an alarm clock ever again.
  • I didn’t know that taking a shower would feel like such an accomplishment.
  • I didn’t know that a bad day at work could be easier than a good day at home.
  • I didn’t know how much my life would change….for the better and for the different.