Posted by Fitz

No matter how many times I do it, I can’t get used to dropping The Bean off at daycare.

I admit that I’m a wimp, and that I usually make puppy dog eyes at my very understanding, very helpful husband to do this specific chore.   I don’t understand why I still feel guilty at drop off – she’s been going for just about a year, and loves her little school – but I do.  There’s something about handing your kid over to a virtual stranger (yeah, I know them NOW, but it took awhile) and walking out the door for the day, especially when she’s yelling “Mommy!” or “Let’s go home!”

The rub for me is that I like her in daycare, as long as I’m not the one dropping her off.  I love what she has learned there – how to be kind to other kids, how to make fancy art projects that don’t result in massive amounts of paint being spilled at my house, how to interact with teachers and trust other adults.  She has blossomed before our eyes during her time at daycare, and while I’ll never know if she would have grown in the same ways if she hadn’t gone, it’s a nice thing to attribute to the care they are giving her. 

Despite all of this and my often-discussed love of being part of the working world, I still feel that nasty Mommy Guilt creeping up on me when I drop her off.  Am I sure this is the right thing?  Should I stay home?  Wouldn’t she be better off with me?  These questions run through my head every time, although the voice is becoming more and more distant.  My answers to these questions are starting to come from a place of truth, and not a place of guilt.  YES, I’m sure this is the right thing.  I’m sure I shouldn’t stay home, and we are lucky enough to still have a lot of time to spend together.  I won’t say that I’ve completely eradicated the guilt, but I’m getting close.  I guess infancy and toddlerhood is all about baby steps…for the whole family.