Posted by Duff

It seems impossible that I have two children, especially if you look at my sixth grade class picture. Even crazier is that they are already 3 1/2 and 8 months.  I blinked into this status quo, but I guess that’s what happens when there aren’t enough hours in the day and each mere 24-hour burst has you moving from need to solution as if swinging across an endless row of monkey bars.

I swear, I’m paying attention. Trying to learn what works and what doesn’t.  Sometimes I think I might have a handle on it. From 5:00-8:00 am (and 5:30-8:30 pm), I most certainly don’t.

But, out of that craziness, I’ve plucked the following personal truths:

1. If you want a three year old’s attention, start an important conversation with your spouse, go to the bathroom, or make a hot cup of coffee. Any of the aforementioned activities will also wake your baby or make him hungry.

2. The excersaucer’s popularity seems to coincide directly with the 6-9 month clothing size (read: 15 minutes of fame). Dammit.

3.  Too many orange vegetables = orange baby nose, orange baby poop.

4.  The memory of the first eight weeks with a new baby fades quickly enough to understand why people have additional children.

5.  Potty Training = Proud Mary.  I’m still recovering.

6. Just when you think your child will never sleep well, he does. And when you tell someone he has, he will stop.

7. While I’m not willing to sniff your hind quarters to see if you’ve pooped,  I automatically do this to Atticus every.time.I.pick.him.up. Because usually, he has – but there is still the chance that he hasn’t.

8. Holy crap, so much of early parenting revolves around poop and discussing that poop. Did he poop? What was the consistency? The color? How many times today? How many days has it been since she pooped? Call me at work if she poops. Did she poop on the potty? Big potty or little potty? I used to talk about politics, books, movies, and pop culture. Didn’t I?

9. Be careful what you say to a three year old when frustrated, because when she gets annoyed (and she will), you’ll be on the recieving end of those same words, and they don’t sound so parent-ish or mature, now, do they?

10. Starter® makes socks for babies that don’t kick off.  They’re pretty cozy, too.

11. If you ever want to see it again, hide it. If you don’t want it gummed, don’t wear it.

12. We’re out of cheese. Again.

13. We’re also out of diapers, wipes, tissues, paper towels, cereal, milk, and eggs.

14. Make it a habit to kiss your spouse at regular intervals. Otherwise, you will forget, and then forget that you forgot, and then you’ll have a hard time remembering when you last touched each other, because you were so busy wiping something off someone or cleaning something up, or getting someone’s food ready.

15. Crayon comes off oil-based paint kitchen cabinets. Chalk, however, does not come off crappy, porous vinyl siding.

16. Apparently, all spiders are named Grovert (yes, with a ‘t’). Beetles are named Nedley. 

How about you? What’s true in your house?