Posted by Fitz

I wish I had something better to write to you all about today, but the fact of the matter is that I’m running on fumes.  At empty.  Zero capacity.

Sometimes I see women who make it all look so easy.  They often are juggling two toddlers on their hips while immaculately dressed, fit, and well fed.  Their kids are not only perfectly behaved, but look as neat as they do.  I stop to say hi, and learn all about the new house project/work project/gourmet meals/spinning classes or whatever else they have going on, and I smile and nod enthusiastically.  I find these women to be inspiring, most of all because I know they can’t be as put together as they seem, but they manage to pull off an image I try to achieve.  Most of the time.

Then, there are days like today, when I’ve come home from a business trip to a mountain of work, laundry, mail, all with no plans for dinner and a toddler who wants 100% mommy time.  When I know that tomorrow will bring more of the same, minus the business trip, and feel like there is no end in sight to the things that need to be done to fulfill the many roles that I’m playing right now.  And, while most of the time I revel in the fact that I can juggle all of these things – mostly with ease – the days like today are the ones that make me want to secretly fly to a Caribbean island and spend a few weeks passed out on a lounge chair with my Kindle and a (non-alcoholic) fruity drink as my companions. 

Being a pregnant working mom isn’t quite as easy and breezy as I thought it would be (why would things change just because I have a baby bump?), and that makes me nervous about what will happen when my new little sweet pea has entered the world.  Will I be able to handle it all while maintaining some semblance of sanity and humanity?  Will I have to quit something to be good at anything?  Will I remember who I am in the chaos?

These questions have no easy answer of course, and I’m pretty certain that the answers I do find will change on daily – or sometimes hourly – basis.   Let’s just hope that the days like today turn out to be few and far between.

Advertisements