Posted by AVM

For the first time in a long time, I can’t wait for Monday to come.  I need this weekend to end.  On Saturday night, while my husband was at a friends’ house helping them with some home repairs, I was going through the evening routine, business as usual.  Lovey and I ate dinner.  I turned on Lovey’s favorite movie and took CeeCee upstairs to feed her and put her to bed for the night.  I changed her diaper, put her pajamas on, turned around to reach for her sleep sack and was horrified when I heard a loud SMACK of her face on the hardwood floor of her room.  CeeCee fell off the changing table.  She was screaming . . .and then I was screaming.  I picked her up immediately, she was face down on the floor.  Her eye was bleeding profusely.  I couldn’t tell if the bleeding was coming from inside her eyeball, a laceration under her eye, or what.  I was screaming. . . and she was screaming.

I called my husband and cried incoherently for him to come home and that the baby fell off the changing table.  He told me to call 911 and that he’d meet us at the hospital.  In the meantime, Lovey ran up the stairs and started to yell, “Mommy! CeeCee has blood in her eye!  Why did you do that?” Because I’m the worst, most negligent mom on the planet, Lovey.  Be sure to relay that to your therapist when the time comes. I called 911 and they were at the house instantly.  The EMT’s did their best to calm me down, but CeeCee was still screaming.  We went in the ambulance to the hospital – the same one where I gave birth to CeeCee just six short months ago.  My husband was there waiting. They took us right in and evaluated CeeCee.  While they couldn’t tell yet if anything was wrong with her eye itself, they could see that she had a long and deep laceration under her eye.  To make a very long ordeal short, CeeCee got stitches on her lower lid and her eye itself seems to be ok.

After we finally got home, there was no rest for the weary.  CeeCee went directly to sleep, but I kept going in to check on her.  And when I was lying in bed,  eyes wide open, I kept replaying that split second in my mind.   If I had only. . . Yup.  If I had only not done what everyone tells you not to do.  Don’t leave your baby unattended on the changing table. A lesson I have learned.  My poor, smiley CeeCee has such an awful tear in her beautiful, perfect face.  I can’t shake the guilt.  I have a knot in my stomach about all the “what if’s.”  I am just sick about it.  I know I’m not the first mom to have made a mistake like this.  And I know this feeling will fade, just like CeeCee’s scar (as the plastic surgeon assured me), but for tonight, you can see it all over my face.