Posted by AVM

I’m feeling blue tonight.  Not much in the mood to write a lot.  Two years ago tonight, Lovey’s godfather, my husband’s eldest nephew, was killed in an accident at work.  We received the call in the very early morning on the 26th that there had been an accident.  And just like that, Chris was gone from all of us.  There isn’t enough room here to tell you all about him, and I wouldn’t even try because it would never encompass everything he was.  Suffice it to say that we thought enough of him  – the world of him – to ask Chris to be Lovey’s godfather.  As she lost him when she was 18 months old (to the day), we try to keep Chris alive for Lovey in different ways.  We had a memory quilt made of one of Chris’s shirts and some of Lovey’s important clothes from her first year.  The quilt hangs in her room and along with photos around the house, we tell the story of who Chris was – in whatever inadequate way we can.  Most days, it’s impossible to believe he’s gone.  But yes.  He’s still gone.  On important days, like Chris’s birthday or the anniversary of his death, we try to smile and do what Chris loved to do – be around his friends and family.  Today, we made a delicious meal and laughed a lot with our good friends, because that’s what Chris would do.  And it helped a little.  Just a little.

It’s a challenge to keep someone’s memory alive when Lovey had no memory of that time to begin with because she was so young.  I know she knows him.  She knows his image, she knows the story of her quilt, and I even know she has spoken to him  after he was gone.  But he’s not here, and it’s difficult to convey every nuance.  How do you share his easy smile? How will Lovey know how he kept everyone together? How he tilted his head?  How his sense of adventure was boundless?  How can you do that?  I know many of you who lost parents or spouses or other important people in your lives are up against this.  How do you create a memory of the essence of someone who’s gone?  Someone you loved so much and who you fear your child will never fully appreciate?  I don’t have the answers.  But we’re trying.

Thinking of you tonight and always, Chris.