Posted by Duff

1.  Yesterday, I pulled up to our house with a witchy-turned-passed-out Dervish in the backseat and settled in for a few minutes of uninterrupted reading.  My husband, who had driven the car earlier in the day to run errands, appeared at the drivers’ side window and asked, “Can you hand me that trachea?”

“Trachea?” I assumed it was a not-so-funny term for something he would have picked up at the hardware store.

“The cow trachea,” he said. “In the bag, on the seat next to you.”

It was a dog treat for the neighbor’s dog. I still haven’t gotten over the scheeves from that interaction, because he SHOWED it to me. You don’t want to see one. You also don’t want to hear it crunched, like I did, this morning. At this rate, I’m going vegetarian by my 40th birthday. Except for scallops. With bacon.

2. I was quoted $45,000 for replacement windows.  This, while since the sales presentation (which had been cleverly labelled a free estimate) had been going on for three hours, I made a peanut butter sandwich and canned soup (BOGO, btw) for lunch. Apparently, dude hasn’t heard about the ongoing economic issues that leave a growing percentage of us feeling lucky we have homes that have reduced in value so much over the last three years that we can’t afford to refinance them at the now-fantastic lending rates.  Also, he didn’t notice that he parked beside my 10-year-old rollerskate. 

3. When I finished laughing, I brought the kids to our neighborhood Halloween parade and afterparty. The Dervish went as a witch, Atticus went as teething toddler in a bad mood from which most movie warlocks would recoil. So I asked the dear boy, the jewel of my eye, who seems to love me more than his own fist in his mouth: “Little Bear, what is it that I can do? What would make you happy? (I had tried all manner of drinks and snacks and hugs and kisses and songs and diversions and yet he persisted with a low-grade, distant foghorn wail amid a beautiful day and fabulous party.)

And the little so-and-so looked me full in the face, with my very own eyes, if not larger versions, and said: “Daddy.”