Posted by Duff
Before I met the Dervish, I had carved a stone tablet of “I’ll Never”s that ran the gamut of traditional hot button issues discussed in parenting circles: Pacifiers. Feeding. Sleeping. I’d read a lot of books, asked a lot of questions, and formed beliefs about how to best raise my children. And no one could change my mind because I knew I was right. I was a woman of integrity.
You will be glad to know I got exactly what I deserved.
Cut to week two, pre-sunrise, as I ‘gave up’ and offered the first pacifier, and the Dervish realized comfort. Week six when she hungrily downed her first formula. Two months of twilight sleep because she would sleep only on me and I was terrified I would crush her. Why had no one told me about the painstaking process of teaching a fearful Dervish that if she lay on her back, she would not plummet into a black hole? One may think a newborn can’t convey skepticism, but only if one has never seen it. A tiny eyebrow was raised, I assure you.
These were the first vestiges of the Dervish’s endearing sense of humor. Even then she was a big fan of taking me down a peg, teaching me that she wrote the book on herself and would I just get it already so she could stop hollering at me?
Despite the fact that all of these seeming failures turned out to be the right things to do for her and she thrived, I judged myself mercilessly. And I let myself feel judged by others, too. Others who’d had babies unlike the Dervish. Babies who slept in their cribs from night one, lulled by mobiles. Babies who enjoyed stroller rides and reserved the right to delay forming an opinion until a little more living had been done.
It took me awhile to give myself (and the Dervish) a very large break: Mine is a fly by the seat of her pants kind of girl, and she makes no apologies for it. I had been wringing my hands in chronic apology to her, when I could have just paid attention.
She has definitely taught her old lady a thing or two about pre-conceived notions. What’s the old joke? If only our children came with a manual? I’m starting to think this one did. And, she can’t be the only one.
Care to confess your “I Never”s? We promise not to judge you. At least not as harshly as you’ve already judged yourself.
My Mom Genes 
June 10, 2008 at 12:34 pm
I hate the thought of a 5 year old sleeping in bed with my husband and I that I absolutely did not want to bring the baby into bed with us at ANY point. But the need for sleep won out and I ended up with the baby safely snuggled in. Mind you I didn’t get great sleep but any was good. Or I would fall asleep out on the couch with her and sleep for three or four hours in the wee hours. (But it wasn’t in bed!) :0)
Now my rule is only after 4 in the morning so it is not all night.
June 10, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Pacifiers. Tv. Candy, or any sweets. Any form of fast food. Formula. Co sleeping. The list could go on and on.
Pacifiers are, honestly, the best invention. Ever.
Candy isn’t something she gets often. And she will still pick a fruit or veggie over a piece of candy.
The entire time I was pregnant and up until she was …2 maybe I said “the only way she’ll even know what mcdonalds is will be because she’s able to drive herself there.” But that changed. Fast food may be really unhealthy but we do pick the healthiest thing on the menu to give to her. Plus she would rather the apples instead of fries. So we’ve got to be doing something right.
June 10, 2008 at 3:04 pm
I’m only still pregnant and I’ve been breaking my own “rules” left and right. I’ve drunk coffee, eaten McDonald’s, stopped exercising. And I’m sure this is just a beginning of many!
June 10, 2008 at 3:07 pm
I never thought I’d dance around the nursery (or any room for that matter) making up words to a “Hooray for poopies” song. When it’s been a couple days, and your otherwise happy baby is miserable, you’ll make up words to anything when he/she finally has some relief, even if it’s stinky and takes 3 diapers and 42 wipes before it’s all over.
June 10, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Oh yeah, McDonald’s is a treat to us. We have it when Daddy goes on nights which is once every 5 weeks. I don’t feel too badly about it. :0)
June 11, 2008 at 12:07 am
I thought I would never given in and let him sleep with me, that went away fast when we were knee deep in teething issues.
I also thought I would fight the war on screaming diaper changes, still to this day 15 months later, have to continue to sing every song I can think of as well as any silly thing to do to keep a extremely wiggly baby from kicking me in the tat tats.
June 11, 2008 at 4:22 pm
My baby won’t need the bassinet, cuz he’s going in the crib from Day1….when in reality, my baby slept on me on the couch for the first month, and then transitioned to on me in our bed for another month, then transitioned to that bassinet (DH borrowed it from his cousin “just in case”) for the 3rd month, and FINALLY he started sleeping in the crib one Day 1 alright, of MONTH 4!!! That’s just one of the many things I said would never happen…then you push out a child and all bets are off.
June 12, 2008 at 12:58 am
Oh did my list come back to bite me in the but. “My child would be on a routine…and would sleep through the night (HAHAHAHAHAH) …and would eat only healthy food.”
Survival trumped those ALL!!
June 13, 2008 at 12:31 am
I’ll never let my child play with things that aren’t his toys (ex. remote control, telephone). I’ll never let my child sleep in bed with me…I’ll NEVER put a bottle in my child’s crib (I have only done that one on occasion and I have stayed in the room).
There are many more, I am sure!!