Posted by Fitz
I’m veering off of our normal course today to talk about how some of us got to be mothers in the first place…the art and science of conception. Considering the number of hits that our “About Us” page gets, most of you are aware that I struggled with infertility for a couple of years before finally having The Bean. I was surprised that I had to see an Reproductive Endocrinologist, and figured that I was the odd woman out when it came to needing help to have a baby. Boy, was I wrong. I am now surprised, saddened, encouraged, and inspired by the email I’ve received from many of our readers who have shared their own personal experiences with infertility.
What shocks me is how many women today are experiencing trouble conceiving and relying on the beautiful science of ART (advanced reproductive technology) to help their dreams come true. One in six families experience infertility today. One in six. Chances are, one of your close friends, neighbors, colleagues, or cousins is getting ready to pop her first Clomid pill or give herself her first injection of Menopur as we speak. With science and a little luck, they’ll be pregnant soon, and well on their way to the love, smiles, blowouts, and midnight feedings that we discuss on a regular basis. That is the dream, and for most of these women, it will come true. For many, though, it will take a lot of time and a lot of tears before their dream becomes a reality.
Infertility is excruciatingly hard, and it’s difficult to articulate the rollercoaster of emotions one experiences while going through treatment after treatment. Many women feel broken, inferior, unfeminine…many feel like it’s their fault and their husbands should trade them in for a wife who can have kids the “normal” way…some can’t see a baby on the street or receive a shower invitation without bursting into tears…many women go onto have children, but are irrevocably changed by the whole experience. I know I was.
When I think of all of you who have reached out to me to share your own experiences, and all of you who are trying to get pregnant right now, I want to celebrate our strength. We as women are willing to go through extreme measures – whether it be jumping your husband’s bones when you’d rather be asleep or taking off your pants for anyone in a white coat – to reach our goals. We’re willing to put ourselves through the ringer to nurture another human being. And then, when we’ve done it once and see what motherhood is really like, many of us are inclined to go through it all again – regardless of what it will take. We are amazing human beings, and we don’t give ourselves enough credit. We are strong, we are resilient, and we can get through anything. We’ve proven it time and time again.
For those of you who are experiencing infertility right now, I know in my heart that you will become mothers. Remember how incredible you are – both mentally and physically – and take care of yourself during the time it takes to conceive (try acupuncture). I’m with you every step of the way.
Resources:
- If you’d like to learn more about infertility and its treatments, visit RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association.
- If you’d like to learn more about the wonderful clinic that helped us have The Bean, visit RMA of CT and read about the amazing Drs. Richlin, Leondires, and Hurwitz.
- Click here to learn more about how acupuncture helps with infertility.
My Mom Genes 
September 16, 2008 at 12:42 am
This note could not have come at a better time. I don’t know — honestly do NOT know — how my husband and I would manage this without all the amazing support we get; much of it from my internet bffs.
So grateful. And a little bit stronger, too, after reading this. xo
September 16, 2008 at 2:34 am
Wow, thanks for this post. I’ve been in limbo for so long, ready to start, but then circumstances delay the green light for treatment (job/insurance related in part) FINALLY I can say that in 3+ weeks the ball gets rolling as now I just wait for the dreaded “Day One” of the next cycle (though this time I’ll be looking forward to Day 1 for a change!)
And still, I am my mother’s daughter…the ever cock-eyed optimist. I’d be lying if I did not admit that in the back of my head is the little voice that says “unless maybe “Day 1″ doesn’t come…wouldn’t it be great if we did this on our own this month..the last ‘try’ before IF treatments”
It’s hard sometimes not to feel like I walk around with “Infertile” branded on my forehead…Like a scarlet letter or something.
It helps being reminded that there is support out there–and we need not look further than our own circle/tribe/nest to find it!
Thank you for taking the time to reach out.
~Lisa
September 16, 2008 at 1:10 pm
I was told to come here and check out your blog and I am so glad I did! IF can really lead to some very dark days and it is so good to know that others hold the hope when I just can’t. The weird thing about IF is that it can make me feel so weak yet so incredibly strong at the same time. We are amazing women and we need to remember that and when we can’t, to come to a blog like this where someone is reminding us how strong we really are.
I am confident that this experience is going to make me a better woman, a more grateful parent, and a more compassionate therapist. In a lot of ways it has already done a lot of that….but I just know that when I get to “the other side” of IF, whatever that may be, I will be a profoundly changed woman and that is a gift.